1939 MARITAL RATING TEST
[via BoingBoing]

MERITS

1. Dresses for breakfast - I barely get dressed for the office. (0)
2. Has meals on time - it’s 1:30 and I’m just now having my morning coffee (0)
   
3. Can hold an interesting conversation - I gotta get my merits somewhere. (1)
   
4. Can play a musical instrument - MP3 player? (0)
   
5. Personally puts children to bed - Currently without child. (0)
6. Neat housekeeper; tidy and clean - Oh, dear. Does calling a maid count? (0)
7. Good sense of humour, jolly and gay - humor? yes. jolly? eh. gay? notsomuch. (1)
   
8. Never goes to bed angry, always makes up first (extra 5pts) - I’ve gone to bed angry, but I’ve made up first many times, despite my stubbornness. I’ll give myself (2)
9. Asks husband’s opinions regarding important decisions and purchases - Would likely consider his opinion, but probably wouldn’t ASK for it. (0)
10. Good hostess even to unexpected guests - If there’s booze to be served, I’m a pretty good hostess. (1)
    
11. Reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress (extra 10pts) - not marital congress. just congress. (7)
12. Lets husband sleep late on Sunday and holidays - only if I’m sleeping late, too. (1)

Total: 13

DEMERITS

1. Slow in coming to bed; delays until husband is almost asleep - coming TO bed? or IN bed? Totally inaprop. (1)
2. Doesn’t like children (minus 5pts) - Ehhh. I like children if it means I don’t have to lose 5 points.
   
3. Fails to sew on buttons or darn socks - I can’t sew or darn. Darn it. (1)
   
4. Wears soiled or ragged dresses and aprons round the house - I’ve been known to wear some god awful clothes around the house… (1)
   
5. Often late for appointments (minus 5 pts) - Almost always. (5)
   
6. Is a backseat driver - there’s a better view back there. (1)
7. Seams in hose often crooked - Um, what? I’ll go with no.
   
8. Goes to bed with curlers in her hair or too much face cream - Men don’t like that? (1)
   
9. Puts her cold feet on her husband at night to warm them - Yeah, why not? He should be elated I’m even touching him. (1)
   
10. Wears red nail polish - only on my toesies!
    
11. Flirts with other men (minus 5pts) - Guilty. (5)
12. Is suspicious and jealous (minus 5pts) - I’m almost always suspicious of men. Losing these 5 points is a clear indication of my future as a wife. (5)

Total: 21

My score = -8. NEGATIVE 8!!

In 2008, I’d say that’s a victory!

2pm