Two years ago today, I was...
Crying in an airport.
It was the morning of May 21, 2006, and I was clutching a one-way ticket to New York City. I had just said good-bye to my parents and I was off to the gate to begin the next chapter of my life. I hadn’t shed a single tear – despite knowing what I just had left behind – and my cheeks hurt from a smile that hadn’t left my face in days.
Just as I was just a few steps from entering the plane, [insert dramatic music here], the ticket-checker took a quick glance at me and told me I wouldn’t be allowed to board. “You’re wearing flip-flops,” he said. Umm, okay. I live in Texas, dude. It’s what we do. “If you’re flying as a guest of a Delta employee, there is a dresscode you must abide by.” Well, shit. I definitely didn’t get that memo. My former Delta pilot uncle was gracious enough to help me get to the city, and, unfortunately for me, he assumed I’d be a better dresser.
So, there I was, a wide-eyed, 22-year-old with nothing but the world in front of her…and completely unable to get there thanks to $5 Old Navy flip-flops. Fabulous. I cried. I cried a lot. I’m usually strong and composed when it comes to unfavorable situations, but I had known something was going to go awry that day – it’s in my DNA. Red-faced and on the verge of hysteria, I called mom and dad in hopes that they could do that magical parent thing where they just instantly make everything better. They offered to race back to the airport so mom could give me her shoes – despite them being 3 sizes too big. But by the time that happened, MY plane would have already taken off. The dream-crushing ticket-checker approached me while I was sobbing into the phone, and told me he might be able to work something out. Might. It was in that instant I realized it was time to suck it up. If I couldn’t handle this minor setback, how the hell was I ever going to make it in New York?
They ended up bringing up my checked bags from UNDER the plane – something they informed me was totally against the rules – and I was able to quickly grab a pair of heels to meet Delta’s classy standards. Moments later, I was letting out a huge sigh of relief and sitting in a First Class seat on the way to the big city. It’s amazing the way things work out.
“I need this experience to go perfectly…and that doesn’t mean without flaws, it just means I need this experience to change me. I’m about to be a resident of one of the greatest cities in the world – a city I love, but know little about. A city with so much potential and hope. A city I hope to grow in…and ultimately, a city I hope to be successful in.” – May 17, 2006 journal entry
Two years ago today, I was starting something that could have literally gone in any direction, for better or for worse. My first year was full of excitement and uncertainty and new experiences and soul-searching – all of which were beyond worth it. That year was incredible in the weirdest of ways, but I learned SO much about who I was and who I wanted to be…and adjective-filled paragraphs couldn’t do it justice.
Since last year, my life has become somewhat a dream. The ups have outweighed the downs, and I am the happiest I have probably been in my entire life. I believe I am one of the luckiest girls in the world – although I believe little of it is based on luck.
I have an amazing job that keeps me on my toes and allows me to be creative every single day. The fact that I take a mere concept and turn it in to a finalized product – a book – that people actually BUY, is still baffling to me. At this point, I don’t know where I want the final stop in my career to be – and I don’t really have to – but I do know that I’m on the right track.
My social and personal life, in particular, has been plentiful in so many ways – with traveling, events & new experiences – all with thousands of pictures to show for it. Over the last year, I have…stayed at a ski lodge in Vermont, eaten hot dogs at a Knicks game, watched Obama speak at Washington Square Park, had a wine picnic in Central Park, gone to a Mets game, adventured to New Jersey, attended several red carpet events, met numerous celebs, explored Brooklyn, been to a taping of Conan O’ Brien, attended fashion shows, spent time in Connecticut, gone to a casino in Rhode Island, purchased (and lost) an iPhone, taken a limo out for a Saturday night, eaten cupcakes in the West Village, bought my first designer bag, watched Sex & the City being filmed, vacationed in Florida, been to several museums, watched the Yankees play from luxury box seats, had dinner at restaurants I can’t afford, taken a carriage ride around the Central Park, walked the Brooklyn Bridge, gone to a New York wedding, walked the beaches of North Carolina, eaten Indian food, ridden the Staten Island Ferry, purchased too many pairs of heels, seen a male strip show, drank martinis on top of the world, and seen Legally Blonde and Avenue Q on Broadway…
And more than anything, I have met some of the most amazing people I have ever had the privilege of knowing in this crazy, wonderful city. I couldn’t ask for a better group of friends to make my life more enjoyable than it already is. I have experienced so much with each and every one of them, and I am so lucky to have this support system…especially within walking distance (okay, or a small cab fare).
“In New York, they say you’re always looking for a job, a boyfriend or an apartment. So let’s say you have two out of three, and they’re fabulous. Why do we let the one thing we don’t have affect how we feel about all the things we do have?” – Carrie, SATC
I love that quote. But there’s something wrong with it. Every time I hear it, I can’t help but think…I have the perfect job and the cutest Midtown apartment, but why does the third thing we’re looking for have to be a boyfriend? Why can’t the third thing be wonderful people in your life? Because if that’s the case, I’m all set.
Every day I grow more in love with New York. The city is so romantic. Even when it’s not trying to be. Passing through Time Square at night…watching the rain fall outside my window on a Sunday morning…spending the entire day in Central Park…a mere glimpse of the Brooklyn Bridge…all are enough to make me never want to leave. The city has this indescribable magnetism and charm that you can’t find anywhere else. And I am constantly inspired by it.
I have found that while being out in the city, I can play almost any song on my iPod and have it be fitting to exactly where I am that very moment. It’s magical. New York is always alive and inviting, and I have never once found it scary or unmanageable. But it can be quite intimidating…
I have learned that there will always be someone better than you. Someone prettier. Someone smarter. Someone more successful. But your demeanor and determination can set you apart from all the rest. If you spend your time comparing yourself or trying to be like everyone else in Manhattan – or anywhere in the world for that matter – all you’re going to end up with is a bad attitude and an unfavorable stench of desperation. Neither of which is quite pleasing.
For me, Texas was a great beginning…the perfect foundation to move on. But staying there would have been stifling for both my career and my personal life. A lot of people I know have already started families in their early 20s – with spouses and children and homes of their own, but that wasn’t really in the cards for me. Besides, we all know I’d be the absolute worst wife and mother at this point in my life – I still can’t even cook! (…or clean or hang on to expensive electronics or keep a plant alive or say no to happy hour…) I just know that this is where I’m supposed to be at this very moment, living life to the absolute fullest. I need these twentysomething years to figure out who I really am - before anyone else can.
My one and only regret from the last year is not writing more. I get excited about an idea and my brain furiously begins churning out plots and character names…and eventually, it just ends up becoming a 1-page document that just takes up space on my computer’s desktop. This year I’d really like to get back to basics. I need to quit spending my time thinking about titles for “my next Great American Novel,” and just. start. writing.
My time here in New York is precious and indefinite. I have created this unbelievable life and been able to experience it on my own – physically, mentally and financially – which is a feat in itself. I am beyond blessed to have made it this far and I am truly excited to see how the next year plays out.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land, there is no other life but this…” - Henry David Thoreau